Donors Rejoice. Fun in Fundraising is Here

Charities struggle to attract donors in these difficult times. Donors also struggle, deciding among so many worthy causes. It’s a challenge for both. But I have a solution. Put the FUN in fundraising!

It’s simple and allows both sides of the equation to come out winners. The way? Provide must-have donor “thank you” merch — tailor-made for these stressful shelter-in-place days!

Crass? Admittedly. Compelling, you betcha! Read on, donors and development officers, for my 5 (tongue-in-cheek) Sure-fire “Thank You” Perks for Successful Online Fundraising Campaigns.

I present this perks in the form of a pseudo-solicitation letter from Worthy Cause XYZ, the kind I dream of receiving, the kind I’d open my heart — and more importantly, my wallet — to support in a flash!

Ready to Put the Fun Back in Fundraising?

Dear Would-be Donor:
In these challenging times, we need your support like never before. We know the stock market is cratering. Your personal portfolio has gone bye-bye. But still, you can help others while helping yourself. Now, instead of going “gala,” you can go online and do some good. In return, we’ve got some unique, just-for-these-times “thank you” gifts that we think you’ll not only appreciate, but want to use ASAP.

Tier I – Amazonian Donors

Working with our partner AMAZON,
For a donation of $250, we can promise you a guaranteed delivery from Amazon Fresh within one week of placing your order. Yes, no more endless panic pressing of the “select a delivery time” button on your computer to no avail.

For a donation of $500, we guarantee that one-time delivery will take place within three days.

AND for a donation of $750, we guarantee that delivery will take place within ONE day!

This donation thank you offer is sure to be a crowd-pleaser among you older donors out there (or more accurately, in there), stuck in your homes without grandchildren around to help you navigate the ins-and-outs of your computers. Don’t be ashamed. Figuring out how to crack Amazon’s delivery system is admittedly a challenge. That’s why we’re offering this special thank you gift. Just help us and we’ll help you. It’s that easy. After all, you gotta eat, don’t you?

Disclaimer: Not responsible for last-minute product shortages and substitutions.

Tier II – Glam Squad Donors

Thanks to the generosity of ten area beauty salons — all posh to the max — we have secured highly desirable post-quarantine first-appointment booking time slots for color and cuts.

These first days post-sheltering-in-place appointments are yours for a donation of $1,000. What do you say, ladies (and gentlemen)? Will you be there, ready to come out of the gray? Will you be the first on your block to look well-groomed and chic?

Disclaimer: Actual beauty salon color and cut costs not included.

Tier III – Dinners Club Donors

Remember the good old days when your biggest worry was how to secure a reservation at that hip new bistro downtown? Well, think how tough it’s going to be once the shelter-in-place order gets lifted! Now, thanks to the generosity of seven hipster cafes in our local community, we’re able to offer guaranteed dinner reservations at primo times for you and your “bros.” Complimentary hipster first-round drinks included! All yours for a donation of $2,500.

Disclaimer: Additional drinks, dinner costs, and Uber rides home not included.

Tier IV – The Big Kahuna’s Circle Donor Club

Working with a big-box retailer who wishes to remain nameless, we’re offering the first 10 donors who each pledge $10,000, 10 (yes, 10!) cases of 20-rolls of Charmin extra-soft premium toilet paper. Admit it, donors, you know you want to roll with this exclusive donor offer!

Tier V – The “I Gotta Be Me” Donors

And sadly, we understand that all this “quality” time with your loved one has likely taken a toll on your relationship. You’re probably both hankering for a little quality “get-the-hell-away-from-me” time. So we’re offering a weekend for one in glorious Napa Valley, at a world-renowned spa. You’ll be able to sample great wines, taste great food, get massages, and most important, sit and sleep alone. This fabulous getaway can be yours for a donation of $25,000. You may fight over who claims the weekend, but you’re fighting over everything now anyway. Don’t let that stop you. Don’t even think of it as a charitable contribution. Think of it as an investment … an investment in your marriage and your sanity.

Disclaimer: Divorce lawyer’s fees not included.

On behalf of Charity XYZ, we thank you for your generous, selfless support. We hope you agree that with your help we can aid our community and ourselves. Isn’t it great that together we’ve put the FUN back into fundraising?

👓 👓 👓

On a serious note, my dear middle-aged muddlers, if your wallet does allow, please do consider making a donation to the charity of your choice. There are so many organizations working to help those affected by the pandemic and the resultant economic downturn. You may not get a roll of toilet paper as a “thank you” gift but think of the good you’ll be doing! And that really is the fun in fundraising.

And please don’t forget to check out my daily Sheltering-in-Place Journal on Facebook. May laughter and silliness brighten your days even as the world struggles in the face of this terrible epidemic. Please stay healthy and upbeat.