It’s My Birthday and I’ll Ramble If I Want To!
Assorted Thoughts on my B-day
It’s my 68th birthday. I’m not having a party, but I do have a few random thoughts on texting, cartoons, and not-so-complimentary compliments. Read more
Tag Archive for: vanity
Belly Fat, No Belly Laughs
Ho, Ho, Oh, No!
Much like Scarlett O’Hara, I once took much pride in my tiny waist. But that was long ago. Now, more like Santa Claus, I have belly fat. But no belly laughs from me. More, oh, no, no than ho, ho, ho!
Yes, once, I was a lass with a classic hourglass figure, but time, Read more
My Face Has Gone to the Dogs
More Bow Wow than Wow
When I was a child, my Uncle George would grab my cheeks so hard I thought he’d lift me off the ground.
“Such a shayna punim,” he’d exclaim with joy. (The term is Yiddish. It literally means “pretty face” but colloquially means what a pretty girl.)
“Yes!” my parents would reply with equal joy.
At 6, I hated Uncle George as I rubbed my aching cheeks, and I hated my parents for allowing this unwelcome greeting. Read more
Out, Out Gray Hair!
Part 2: Two Kinds of Women
It’s a subject of fierce debate among women (and men) of a certain age. To dye or not to dye gray hair. Me? I’m, of course, a die-hard dyer! Read more
Resolve to be Irresolute!
Avoid New Year's Guilt
Just one week into the New Year and I was already backsliding into bad habits faster than a first-time skier hitting the slopes.
Start that diet? Hard to do with all the holiday candy still casting its chocolaty come-hither glance at me.
Exercise? How, when I could hardly move from all that candy-gorging I’m doing 24/7?
Be a better person? Who was I kidding? That was never going to happen, sugar-rush or no sugar-rush.
So, just days into the New Year, I decided to drop the pretense. Skip the guilt. Avoid making – and breaking – those resolutions of yesteryears to eat less, exercise more, and be a better person. I decided to just hunker down and continue living in my usual slovenly, unhealthy, impatient way.
But then, I had an idea. Read more
I’ve Been Naughty. Now I’m Getting Spanx-ed
Calories, then Compression and Depression
‘Tis the season to over-indulge, true. But, alas, ’tis also the season to sequin, shimmy, and shake – all of which challenge chubby, out-of-shape, middle-aged me.
And while I can still wedge myself into my cute holiday clothes, do I look cute? Hardly. I more resemble that lump of coal Santa leaves children who have been naughty, not nice, than I do some hot party babe.
So, sadly I’m giving myself a Spanx-ing. Read more
Nixon and Me: United in Jowls
There's a Surgery for That!
Richard Nixon and I sadly have something in common. Jowls. I’ve tried to ignore the problem, but jowls and jawlines are in the news. So, what can I do?
Yes, regrettably, I – the anti-plastic surgery woman – am once again day-dreaming about plastic surgery. Read more
Diet Daze, Praise and Prays
Cabbage Soup by the Bowlful
I’ve got religion! And like all religious zealots, I speak of nothing else. My new-found religion is not a traditional religion, nor is it New Age hippy, dippy. My new religion is my new diet. More specifically, it is my new-found diet success! Read more
Far-from-the-Runway Runaway Thoughts
An Unstylish Fashion Maven Speaks Her Mind!
Fall fashion season is here. The runways are overflowing with willowy models and haute couture commentary. So, who am I, admittedly un-chic, un-willowy, to offer my own runaway thoughts about fashion and style? Just a middle-aged muddling mom (MAMM) with a far-from-the-runway point-of-view! Read more
In Praise of Pantyhose
A Princess and This Pauper Share Sheer Delights
When the leaves start falling, a woman’s thoughts turn to … pantyhose? Well, for some of us. It’s true.
I belong to a dying breed of never-go-bare-legged women. Rare among womankind today, I wear pantyhose. Not just with formal night attire, but during the day too. Even in the summer. Even in the East when summertime humidity is swoon-worthy!
Now there are women who wear opaque tights when the outside temperature dips and wintery winds howl, but that’s not the legwear I’m talking about. There are also women who wear fishnet and other fashion-fad leg gear, but that’s not the hose in question.
What I’m referring to is the sheer, easy-to-run-and-ruin flesh-colored kind that has adorned my pasty white limbs since I aged out of knee-high socks. Read more