Just one week into the New Year and I was already backsliding into bad habits faster than a first-time skier hitting the slopes.
Start that diet? Hard to do with all the holiday candy still casting its chocolaty come-hither glance at me.
Exercise? How, when I could hardly move from all that candy-gorging I’m doing 24/7?
Be a better person? Who was I kidding? That was never going to happen, sugar-rush or no sugar-rush.
So, just days into the New Year, I decided to drop the pretense. Skip the guilt. Avoid making – and breaking – those resolutions of yesteryears to eat less, exercise more, and be a better person. I decided to just hunker down and continue living in my usual slovenly, unhealthy, impatient way.
But then, I had an idea.
Resolve to be Irresolute
I resolved to make a different kind of resolution, one I know I could stick to – I resolved to be irresolute and irresponsible!
And in the spirit of that anti-improvement, self-indulgent pledge, I immediately launched a search for new ways to pamper myself.
I thought about my recent Christmas wish list, the one I had so thoughtfully prepared for Handsome Hubby’s use. You know, I put more detail and nuance into that list than I had for my Master’s Thesis so many decades before. In that list, I had, in fact, provided the shopper’s equivalent of thesis-quality footnotes, listing the sizes, color preferences, and where the objects of my heart’s desire could be purchased. Yes, indeed, I’m a lot smarter today in my sixties than I was back then in the seventies! I definitely aced that wish list!
Well, after carefully reviewing the list, intent to buy what Handsome Hubby had not, I discovered – to my simultaneous joy and dismay – there was nothing left to acquire! HH had lovingly fulfilled my every desire … at least as noted up until December 24th.
More! More! More!
Fortunately, in the weeks since Christmas, my inbox had been flooded with tempting sales offers. So, thank the Gods of Commerce, I had multiple new shopping options!
And faster than you can click “same-day delivery,” a cashmere wrap, a silk robe, and four CDs were headed my way. (And yes, I still listen to music on CDs. Don’t judge me. I have adult children for that!)
I also bought two trashy novels. (Yes, I still read actual books, not e-books. Don’t judge me. Text my adult children.)
That’s not all. I also ordered five containers of my favorite bath salts and two jars of my priciest skin care cream. Oh, yes, even if I wasn’t going to get in shape, 2019 was shaping up to be a great year!
Resolutions of New Year’s Past
When I was younger, I took resolutions much more seriously. In my twenties, my New Year’s resolutions typically focused on personality improvements; I would be kinder, more patient, and gossip less. In my thirties, I focused on work goals, and in my forties, I promised myself I would improve my parenting skills and be a better daughter to my aging, ill mother. In my fifties, I was determined to fix my failing figure. Weight loss and exercise became the resolutions I repeated again and again and …
Now, in my sixties, I’m more of a realist and maybe even a little forgiving of my own faults. After all, I’m not very likely to change after so many years. So, acceptance really does seem the only viable option! As a result, I’m trying to have a little fun with the whole resolutions idea this year. Hence, my resolve to be irresolute!
Short on ideas, but still long on greed, I turned to the Internet for ideas. I happened upon an article entitled “Five Cheap(ish) Things to Pamper Yourself With.” Although not seeking bargains, I was still intrigued. The story started on a promising note, offering ways to enjoy the joys of pricy spa luxury at home.
Alas, the suggestions were disappointing. Whoop-dee-do – reasonably priced lotion, bath towels, robes, slippers, and … toilet paper. Toilet paper as an item for pampering oneself? Honestly, I’ve always considered toilet paper a tush necessity, not lux and lush!
Hum, clearly hedonism has taken a downturn in the dailies these days.
Turn That Frown into a Happy Face
Well, to tell the truth, I was getting bored with the whole self-indulgence plan. All this “me, me, me” time was a lot of work. My back was aching. And, alarmingly, my smiling face had turned to a deep frown, causing wrinkles, which was worrisome and, in turn, creating more wrinkles.
Then, as luck would have it, I happened upon a story about Happy Face Yoga, facial exercises that promise to make a person look three years younger. Think of that! AND the best part, you can do facial exercises while sitting down! Now, this is an exercise plan I can support!
So, there you have it. Nine days into the New Year and I’ve already failed on my one resolution – not to do anything productive. Facial exercises might not be much of a fitness plan, but who knows where it might lead? The neck? Head? Shoulders? Knees and … Oh, no! Self-improvement 2019 here I (might) come!
And for a fun alternative to New Year’s Resolutions, check out “Why You Need a Travel Bucket List” by Lois Alter Mark. Lois recommends making travel plans instead of resolutions in 2019. Handsome Hubby and I have already started our list. Meet us in Morocco, anyone?