Laments About Still a Looker

The Ladies Who Schlep

The Subject is (Still) Handbags

The ladies who schlep

I hate to sound sexist, but as soon as baby boys can grasp objects, they’re given baseballs and footballs. Girls, on the other hand, are often given purses to carry. And all those little girls turn into, yes, the ladies who schlep. They may schlep handbags, tote bags, briefcases or backpacks, but schlep they do. And they’re not just hauling around lipstick and lunch, but also, memories and money, smartphones, and status symbols.

“Of course, a bag is important. It’s my home away from home.”
Sornam S. 

In case you missed it, Read more

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The Subject is Handbags

Size ... and Bags ... Matter

The subject is handbags

It started with an email and two simple questions. I thought I’d get a few short replies. Instead, all week long, my inbox was flooded with replies. Clearly, I had touched a nerve. Read more

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Butt Cheeks and Botox

Is Twerkers' Compensation Far Behind?

butt cheeks and botox

No ifs, ands or butt cheeks about it. Ladies, we have a new beauty regime to get on top of. Well, technically speaking, one we’ve got to get to the bottom of. Yes, gal pals, our rear ends are the latest beauty frontier!

What’s good for the face – cleansers, toners, serums, oils, exfoliating scrubs, creams, and masks – is now being specially tailored and marketed for the derriere.

Don’t believe me? Well, no less an authority than the august New York Times has proclaimed, “Butt skincare is definitely a thing now.”

“But what kind of a “thing?” you well might ask. “And why?” Read more

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Sartorial Sins of the Flesh

Leggings, Yoga Pants, and Holey Jeans

Sartorial Sins of the Flesh

I may sound old-fashioned, but I think some of today’s lapses in sartorial style are downright sins. The way we dress and adorn ourselves would surely make my mother and grandmother shudder and shriek!

In Grandma’s day, Read more

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A New Wrinkle in Time

Chest Wrinkles. Who Knew?

Chest Wrinkles

Sometimes I worry I will run out of things to write about. Then I discover articles like “Cleavage Reboot: How to Smooth Out Chest Wrinkles,” and I realize I will never run out of “dire” aging maladies to worry – and write – about!

Yes, chest wrinkles, a problem right up there with global warming, the plight of the homeless, and discrimination.

It only took God 99 words (at least in one version I looked at) to write The Ten Commandments, the foundation of faith and civility for millions around the world. But chest wrinkles? Read more

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The Worst Part of Growing Old? Reading Glasses

Oh, My Aching Middle-Aged Eyes

Reading glasses are the worst part of growing old

Some people cannot find their phone. Others their keys. Me? It’s my reading glasses. I misplace them constantly and need them for everything. Oh, my middle-aged eyes. It’s just not fair. Yes, the worst part of growing old is reading glasses.

By the age of 12, I was blind as a bat. Then I got Lasik surgery and had perfect vision … for a time. Now, once again, I’m eye glass-dependent. I go nowhere without clutching my readers as tightly as those needing a cane to get by. Read more

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Marie Kondo Sparks No Joy in Me

Decluttering is Easy. Shopping is Hard.

Marie Kondo Sparks No Joy

Everybody is obsessed with Marie Kondo and downsizing their possessions, especially clothes. Not me. I want more clothes, not less. Sweaters. Blouses. Dresses. Cute shoes. But there’s a problem – I’m shopping adverse. I hate going to a Mall and I’m not finding much success shopping online.

I never liked shopping. Blame it on my mother. Of course. Read more

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Resolve to be Irresolute!

Avoid New Year's Guilt

Resolve to be Irresolute

Just one week into the New Year and I was already backsliding into bad habits faster than a first-time skier hitting the slopes.

Start that diet? Hard to do with all the holiday candy still casting its chocolaty come-hither glance at me.

Exercise? How, when I could hardly move from all that candy-gorging I’m doing 24/7?

Be a better person? Who was I kidding? That was never going to happen, sugar-rush or no sugar-rush.

So, just days into the New Year, I decided to drop the pretense. Skip the guilt. Avoid making – and breaking – those resolutions of yesteryears to eat less, exercise more, and be a better person. I decided to just hunker down and continue living in my usual slovenly, unhealthy, impatient way.

But then, I had an idea.   Read more

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I’ve Been Naughty. Now I’m Getting Spanx-ed

Calories, then Compression and Depression

I've Been Naughty. Now I'm Getting Spanx-ed

‘Tis the season to over-indulge, true. But, alas, ’tis also the season to sequin, shimmy, and shake – all of which challenge chubby, out-of-shape, middle-aged me.

And while I can still wedge myself into my cute holiday clothes, do I look cute? Hardly. I more resemble that lump of coal Santa leaves children who have been naughty, not nice, than I do some hot party babe.

So, sadly I’m giving myself a Spanx-ing. Read more

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When in Doubt, Blame Science

The Latest Addition to the Pantheon of Excuses

When in doubt, blame science

Life is hard. When we do something wrong, we all fall back on excuses and blame others.

“The dog ate my homework.”
“My mother won’t let me go to the party.”
“The Devil made me do it!”

But now, move over dog, Mom, and Devil. We have a new scapegoat to blame and shame, and it goes by the name of Science. Read more

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