Laments About Still a Looker

When in Doubt, Blame Science

The Latest Addition to the Pantheon of Excuses

When in doubt, blame science

Life is hard. When we do something wrong, we all fall back on excuses and blame others.

“The dog ate my homework.”
“My mother won’t let me go to the party.”
“The Devil made me do it!”

But now, move over dog, Mom, and Devil. We have a new scapegoat to blame and shame, and it goes by the name of Science. Read more

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Nixon and Me: United in Jowls

There's a Surgery for That!

Nixon and Me: United in Jowls

Richard Nixon and I sadly have something in common. Jowls. I’ve tried to ignore the problem, but jowls and jawlines are in the news. So, what can I do?

Yes, regrettably, I – the anti-plastic surgery woman – am once again day-dreaming about plastic surgery. Read more

Diet Daze, Praise and Prays

Cabbage Soup by the Bowlful

Diet Daze, Praise and Prays

I’ve got religion! And like all religious zealots, I speak of nothing else. My new-found religion is not a traditional religion, nor is it New Age hippy, dippy. My new religion is my new diet. More specifically, it is my new-found diet success! Read more

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Rebranding: Dunkin’ Donuts … and Me?

The Name Game

Rebranding: Dunkin' Donuts and Me?

Rebranding is the rage. Dunkin’ Donuts and Weight Watchers are just the latest jumping on the name change bandwagon. And it’s got me thinking. Maybe middle-aged me could use a change too.

After all, I don’t want to be one of those people who gets stuck in a rut. Shaking things up might be just the thing I need. Instead of the same old Karen Galatz – writer, wife, and mom, perhaps I need a different persona.

But how and what should I change? Read more

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Far-from-the-Runway Runaway Thoughts

An Unstylish Fashion Maven Speaks Her Mind!

Far from the runway runaway thoughts

Fall fashion season is here. The runways are overflowing with willowy models and haute couture commentary. So, who am I, admittedly un-chic, un-willowy, to offer my own runaway thoughts about fashion and style? Just a middle-aged muddling mom (MAMM) with a far-from-the-runway point-of-view! Read more

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In Praise of Pantyhose

A Princess and This Pauper Share Sheer Delights

In Praise of Pantyhose

When the leaves start falling, a woman’s thoughts turn to … pantyhose? Well, for some of us. It’s true.

I belong to a dying breed of never-go-bare-legged women. Rare among womankind today, I wear pantyhose. Not just with formal night attire, but during the day too. Even in the summer. Even in the East when summertime humidity is swoon-worthy!

Now there are women who wear opaque tights when the outside temperature dips and wintery winds howl, but that’s not the legwear I’m talking about. There are also women who wear fishnet and other fashion-fad leg gear, but that’s not the hose in question.

What I’m referring to is the sheer, easy-to-run-and-ruin flesh-colored kind that has adorned my pasty white limbs since I aged out of knee-high socks. Read more

T is for Torture and Treadmill

Step Lively or Die

T is for torture and treadmill

I stepped out of the bathroom, all shiny and clean, a hint of make-up, my hair perfectly coiffed. I was all set for my big appointment of the day.

“You showered? You washed your hair?” commented my husband with a quizzical look. “Odd.”

“Well, it’s the first time,” I explained, somewhat annoyed I felt the need to explain, “I want to make a good impression.”

“Odd,” he repeated. “I never shower first.” Read more

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Online Surfing Danger Ahead!

Beware of Bots!

Surfing Danger Ahead

There’s surfing danger ahead! Not in the water, but online. Take a quick look at an ad for an anti-aging skin cream, and that product will haunt you on the Internet until you die and decompose.

Blink your eye and consider a brief fling with glitter eyeliner, as I did earlier this summer, and you are forever branded as part of David Bowie’s glam squad!

Peruse a winter white wool turtleneck sweater in January, and come July, you’ll still get urgent notices to “Hurry, there’s only one still in stock!!”

Five years ago, amid a foot problem, I considered buying orthotic heel lifts. Thankfully, the foot problem resolved itself, but orthotic ads track me on the Worldwide Web as diligently as sharks stalk their prey. Read more

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My Dolls Need Plastic Surgery!

Time Waits for No Man, Woman or Doll

There comes a time in every girl’s life when she puts away her dolls and moves on to grown-up pleasures. For most girls, that comes with puberty. For me, it took a few more years. OK. It took an extra half-century.

Yes, for 50+ years, I’ve kept a massive black steamer trunk full of dolls, ostensibly saving them “for my children,” but truthfully mostly just saving them.

I’m a sentimental type, a saver. OK. I’m a bit of a bit of a hoarder. Read more

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Seasonal Vanity Disorder

A Sight for Sore Eyes, Lips, and ...

seasonal vanity disorder

It’s that time of year when I’m forced to schedule my annual embarrassing doctor’s appointment. You’re thinking mammogram and pap smear. But no, I suffer from another repeating ordeal, SVD, Seasonal Vanity Disorder, a hush-hush, but common mid-life ailment.

Each June, I’m forced to hot foot it to the doctor to get a prescription for prescription-strength allergy-relief medication to soothe my itchy swollen eyelids, blotchy, splotchy derma, and yes, even my hot feet!

“Ah, seasonal allergies,” you surmise and sympathize.

Well, thank you for the sympathy, but you’re wrong about what ails me. Read more

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