Don’t Ask Me. I Won’t/Can’t Dance

A Two-Footed Lament

I Won't/Can't Dance

It’s the start of Week Four after (double) foot surgery and while the pain is finally starting to subside, definitely don’t ask me. I won’t/can’t dance.

“Double foot surgery?” you query, wondering rightly whether I have a screw (or a shoelace) loose.

Yes, double foot surgery! It was voluntary. Seemingly made of sound mind.

I reasoned:

Why go through two separate surgical procedures?
Why go through two bouts of pain and misery?
And why suffer through two multi-week sessions of ugly orthopedic boots, recovery, and rehab?

Instead, I thought with wild abandon, totally oblivious to the (obvious) critical importance of one’s feet to day-to-day function and form:

Let’s just do it all at once. In one fell swoop.
One trip to the operating room.
One dose of anesthesia and one-time post-op “ouchies” and aches.

It made sense … at the time.

Now, as I hobble around, I understand the folly of my ways. (Note: “The folly of my ways” is a polite way of saying “my stupidity!)

Don’t Ask Me. I Won’t/Can’t Dance

When I saw the orthopedic surgeon to get the stitches out after the second week, I told him I was surprised at the level of pain I was experiencing. Truth be told, I didn’t say it in such a high-brow manner. I believe my exact words were, “It hurts like Hell.”

He smiled and replied, “Oh, bunion surgery is like that. Some people whiz through it like it’s nothing. Others not so much. One patient told me that she gave birth to three children and she thought that those combined births were less painful.”

Well, thanks, Dr. L! You could have mentioned that in the pre-op prep pep talk. If you had, I might have “prepped” myself right off the surgery schedule!

Now, I’m clomping around in two très un-chic orthopedic boots — one’s gray and closed-toe. One’s black and open, like an ugly velcro flat sandal. They’re not just “stylistically” different, they’re also different heights. So, I lurch like Lurch from the Addams Family.

Rockin’ in Crocs

On Sunday night, I did get some welcome relief on the style front. The Tony Awards aired, honoring the best of Broadway theater. All the stars were glammed up to the max — gowns, tuxedoes, jewels, and, of course, pointy high heels.

One celebrity’s unique foot attire, however, practically stole the show.

Brooke Shields glowed in a sunshine yellow evening gown with a plunging sequin top, waistline bow, and a center-back slit. She accessorized the dress with a boxy gold purse, pearl earrings, and an armful of bracelets. Her hair was straight with a center part. Elegant. Lovely from top to bottom.

Well, almost bottom, because …

Because peeking — no, protruding out — from beneath her gown was a pair of color-coordinated sunshine-yellow Crocs!


The reason for this curious shoe selection? Shields, like me, is recovering from double-foot surgery!

“I couldn’t do this in heels!” Shields announced as she sashayed down the Tony Awards Red (gray) Carpet.

Still, sneakers are favored among the fashionable, Crocs was a bold choice.

Happily, some foot fashionista-forward headline writers applauded,  “Brooke Shields Rocks the Crocs.”

So, who am I to complain about a little pain and my orthotic footgear? I’m confident soon I will be joyfully dancing a jig … in Crocs, of course.

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