Domestic Goddess or Dust Bunny Collector?

I pride myself on being a tidy (enough) housekeeper. Yet recently I read an article that glaringly demonstrated the long, trash-laden road I must travel to achieve the glorified ranks of a certified super-duper DG — Domestic Goddess.

The article, “30 Habits of People with Really Clean Houses,“ began with “simple” tasks like keeping surfaces germ-free, (duh) and taking shoes off before entering the house.

That shoes-off concept may not be a “given” for some people, but I’m from NYC, the land of dog poop, and it’s de rigueur or, as we non-Frenchies say, dog rigor!

Domestic Goddess Glory!

I was on a self-contented, smug cleaning roll as I read the list — for a while. But then, the language of the list took a sharp turn toward the cult-ish!

“Commit to an Orderly Linen Closet,” commanded the leader, I mean, the author.

Now, I like my linens neat and orderly, but I’m no drill sergeant. What happens if one laundry day I’m rushed and I just jam the sheets willy-nilly into the cabinet without making a major commitment to order? What’s the punishment? Will the “Orderly Linen Closet” police storm in? Will they issue demerits? Drag me outside and flog me with a wet sheet in front of the neighbors?

The list maker also mandated that really clean people own a broom they “love.” Huh? “Love” a broom? Why some days I barely tolerate my family! And what exactly makes a broom loveable? Is it cute, or cuddly? Tall, dark, and handsome?

Pantry Perfection or Pounds?

The list maker demanded a Domestic Goddess “regularly revisit their pantry.” To me, this is an absolute, sure-fire formula for weight gain. A wiser plan is to stay six feet away! Avoid the cookies. Skip the crackers, the chips, and other caloric temptations that lurk and loom on every shelf.

Other chores on the list are too hard to contemplate doing — dust the walls, scrub the ceilings, and junk the junk drawer!

Throwing in the Crown

So, sadly I’m giving up on my Domestic Goddess aspirations. Besides if I earned that DG tiara, I imagine it would come with additional cleaning responsibilities like polishing it regularly!

And there you have it! Two weeks shy of 2025, I’ve already tossed the idea of domestic self-improvement into the trash can. So much for resolutions.

Still please do remember —take your shoes off when entering. There are a few rules even I, a non-Domestic Goddess, demand. I mean, doggone it!

🏠 🏠 🏠

Well, my fellow middle-aged muddler? What household cleaning chore do you hate doing the most? Fess Up! I promise I won’t tell Santa!