HGTV Stars are the New Hot Hotties

Dating HGTV stars is a thing now. All the celebs are doing it. Well, two are. But I expect it is going to be the trendy trend of 2021! Yes, HGTV stars are the new hot hotties. I get the appeal. Who won’t want a guy who’s good with his hands, swings a big hammer, AND has a keen eye for design? In fact, with this big move to Reno just days away, I gotta get me one STAT!

For a time, all the bigtime babes of Hollywood dated (and frequently married) musicians. Beauteous Nicole Kidman did it post-Tom Cruise with Keith Urban. Goldie Hawn did it pre-Kurt Russell. And among the younger set, Zooey Deschanel and Carey Mulligan followed the beat of their hearts and the band, marrying musicians.

And why not? Musicians are the epitome of cool. They’re sexy and they make great arm candy on the Red Carpet. And besides, who wouldn’t like a shaggy-haired cutie crooning sweet love songs late into the wee hours? It’s appealing.

Hot Hotties or Not?

In my younger days, I definitely would have been gung ho for a rock star sweetie, but now I’m older. I’m wiser. At least, I’m more tired.

And so, I ask: where is a guy with a guitar and a band going to be when the going gets tough? Where is he when the baby cries at 4 a.m. or the kids need to be carpooled and you have a cold? And what happens when he starts crooning to — and canoodling with — that cute little French au pair he so kindly hired to help you with the kids? (We’ve all read enough People magazines sitting in doctors’ offices to know the answers to those questions.)

But an HGTV guy. Ah, now that’s a guy with real husband potential. Even if you’re not exactly in love with his specific decorating style, be it rustic or mid-century modern, consider him a fixer-upper. Think of his potential.

You Go, Girl

Zooey Deschanel was the first celeb who traded (up?) from musician to HGTV star. From 2009-2012, she was married to Ben Gibbard, the lead vocalist for the alt-rock band Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service. Now she’s dating Jonathan Scott of Property Brothers fame. Ironically, they met while taping an episode of Carpool Karaoke: The Series.

Next to hop on the musician-to-HGTV train was Renee Zellweger, who is dating Ant Anstead, the host of the Discovery+ show “Celebrity IOU Joyride,” which helps celebrities transform a beloved car into a one-of-a-kind vehicular creation. Some of the guests (and their cars) have included Mary J. Blige, Octavia Spencer, and Danny Trejo.

At this rate, HGTV hot hotties will soon be walking the Red Carpet at all the Hollywood events. Who knows? Perhaps they will unionize. Or, more intriguingly, propose re-colorizing the Red Carpet. You can hear the debate now. “It’s so Hollywood 1940s!” “We need to modernize.” “Refresh.” “What do you think if we go pink?” “Maybe lavender.” “Or a bold faux animal print.”

As for Me

Meanwhile, I am only a middle-aged blogger, not a big-time sexy Hollywood star walking the Red Carpet. I live in the here and now.  Still, I have needs.

Handsome Hubby and I are moving to a new city. Moves are disruptive and new houses require a lot of work. And if I start throwing a non-stop list of “honey-do” chores at HH, we’ll have to add two new “h’s” to his name, harried and harassed!

So, you can see why, even at my age, the idea of getting an HGTV honey might be just the short-term solution for my needs — and in truth, for HH’s as well.

Aspiring HGTV Hot Hottie Wanted

Of course, as a muddling almost-oldster writer, I realize I must aim lower than a prime-time HGTV hunk. But, JOB ALERT!!! if you’re a small-market TV designer with big-time HGTV aspirations, consider getting in touch with me. Maybe our interests align. I’m not looking for a full-time relationship. Just a little platonic design love on the side.

My HGTV honey — maybe we should call him (or her), my apprentice— would benefit too. Remember I used to be a TV reporter. I could help my apprentice hone his (or her) TV skills while he/she provides and implements design ideas. Meanwhile harried HH gets left alone to work in peace and quiet. It’s a win-win-win non-salacious ménage à trois made in new home heaven!

By the end of the apprenticeship, I’ll have sleek ceiling fans installed, walls newly painted, and stylish window treatments in place. My HGTV apprentice will boast new camera-ready skills, all prepped to strut down the Hollywood Red Carpet with a big-time winsome young babe.

And Handsome Hubby? Well, he can sit serenely at the dinner table, knowing he won’t be served a seven-page honey-do list!