Never a HOA Again

It’s not quite the Homeowners’ Association from Hell, I grant you that, but still, ours is a pip. Its non-stop “well-meaning” intrusiveness is enough to make Handsome Hubby and I swear, “Never a HOA again.”

Happily, we live in an email world. So much of this HOA contact comes via a blizzard of electronic messages.

The latest alerts: rattlesnakes!

HOA News

Yes, our Wild West tiny, gated community has a rhumba of (adult) rattlesnakes and probably a pit of snakelets (baby snakes), too. This is not a joking matter and those are the correct terms for talking about the nasty creatures.

The poisonous beasts have bitten a couple of neighborhood dogs which wound up at the vet but luckily survived. A couple of big snakes have been corralled, but more have been sighted.

I appreciate that we received the initial HOA alert, but multiple messages have arrived since, saying the slimy fiends still slithering about. These many missives only heighten my anxiety. I think we’re up to three messages. Maybe four. I may be forgetful, but trust me, when it comes to venomous snakes, I have a memory like a steel trap. And if I see a rhumba of snakes, I’m going to rhumba as fast as I can in the other direction!

Infestations Abound

A few weeks back, the neighborhood had a massive — and I do mean massive — infestation of some disgusting — and I do mean, disgusting — caterpillars. The gross critters — huge by caterpillar standards — were everywhere, covering the roads and driveways, even shimmying up walls.

The HOA was Johnny-on-the-spot with email alerts, pointing out the obvious. “We’ve got a caterpillar problem.” There were endless updates — and speculation — on where they came from, why they were in our neighborhood, what type they were, and how long they would last. On and on it went.

It was vile enough to crunch over them (the caterpillars, not the HOA) in the car, nauseating enough to sweep and squish them out of the driveway and out of the garage BUT to have to read about them multiple times a day in my inbox … Well, that really drove me buggy!

HOA Alerts Abound

Weekly we homeowners receive caring offers to schedule voluntary fire inspections, stern warnings about front yard weeds (and potential citations), firm reminders not to allow our dogs to defecate on neighbors’ properties (we don’t have a dog), friendly suggestions on the best time to take out the garbage, etc., etc., etc.

Most recently, the HOA sent an email asking us to complete a form allowing it to send us emails! I guess the HOA never heard of a little function called the “unsubscribe” button? I’m tempted not to complete the form, but then, I’d be in the dark on the next nasty neighborhood infestation!

Never a HOA Again

Now, of course, slightly solitary Handsome Hubby and I are a “little” sensitive to all this group grok given our personal history with the HOA. You may remember the “august” body’s rejection of our offer to buy and maintain a neighborhood Little Library because “nobody reads anymore” and the rude shout-a-thon over a temporary construction port-a-potty, but what can I say? All this excessive, over-the-top messaging just leaves Handsome Hubby and me vowing that for our next house, the Number One criterion topping our buying list: Never a HOA again!

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