Post-Vaccination Etiquette Tips

The New Yorker recently ran a truly hilarious piece on post-vaccination etiquette tips. But it didn’t cover everything we need to know and so, in the spirit of these challenging changing times, I offer a few “modest” additions.

First, giving credit where credit is due: Each week, The New Yorker runs a “Shouts & Murmurs” column with guest contributors. In the March 29th edition, Eli Grober penned: “Things Vaccinated People Still Should Not Do.” His recommendations included:

“Reply All
Stay Unmuted During Group Zooms
Play Devil’s Advocate
Eat Hot Dogs Horizontally, As If They’re Corn on the Cob”

It’s a great list filled with wit and wisdom. You can read it here. I recommend it highly. But, as I noted, it’s not complete.

More Post-Vaccination Etiquette Tips

Here, therefore, are my non-CDC-approved additions to Grober’s list of “Things Vaccinated People Still Should Not Do:”

• Argue over grocery store coupons that expired in 2020.
  It is not the cashier’s fault you couldn’t get to the store to use them. And take it from a Karen: Don’t be a Karen and ask to speak to the manager, especially if there is a line of people behind you waiting to check out.
• Argue over parking spaces.
  Just find another one. Be grateful you’re out and about again.
• Order dessert and then eat half of your spouse’s cake.
  I’m talking to you, Handsome Hubby.
• Order dessert and STILL eat half of your spouse’s cake.
  Yes, I’m still talking to you, Handsome Hubby.
• Go berserk when people you love and cherish confess they have doubts about getting a COVID-19 vaccine.
  This time I’m talking to me. Stay calm. Present the facts and encourage them — lovingly — to get vaccinated.
• Wear a mask indoors and don’t forget to social distance.
  Why? Because we’re supposed to. ‘Nuf said.
• Talk or text in a movie theatre.
  I’m not sure when we’re all actually going to set foot into a theatre, but when we do, please remember not to yak like you’re in your personal space once the film starts! Just don’t do it.
• Pee in a swimming pool.
  Yuck. You’re not five years old.
• Walk your dog without a leash.
  Really, people! I do not care how cute, how friendly, how sweet, put a leash on Fido.

Additionally, in the immortal words of the late singer Jim Croce, in his hit 1972 hit song “You Don’t Mess Around with Jim,” please remember:

🎶 “You don’t tug on superman’s cape
You don’t spit into the wind
You don’t pull the mask off that old lone ranger

‘Even if you do got a two-piece custom-made pool cue
Yeah you don’t tug on superman’s cape
You don’t spit into the wind
You don’t pull the mask off the old lone ranger
And you don’t mess around with slim.” 🎶

But all that said, there’s an awful lot you can do now that you’re vaccinated! So, here’s to life getting back to kinda sorta normal!

💐 Happy month of May and a Happy Mother’s Day! 💐

And about this week’s photo: In 1956, New York health officials administered the polio vaccination to Elvis Presley backstage before a broadcast of The Ed Sullivan Show.