Woman in Fashion Rut

I’ve got the wildfire + mask-wearing + middle-aged blues. Yes, I’m a woman in a fashion rut. I need inspiration STAT.

Last week’s “encounter” with my fashion idol, 100-year-old Iris Apfel, gave me a good adrenaline jolt, but it’s not enough. I need more help. So, since I’m still a bit under the weather with the sniffles and the sneezes, still stuck in the house, I’m turning to the Internet for style inspiration.

So far, here’s what I’ve come up with:

Electric Rollers are In … Again.

That’s right. Dust them off if you’ve still got them. Buy them (again) if you don’t. Toss that nasty, burn-your-fingers, burn-your-forehead curling iron to the back of the drawer or into the trash can. Electric rollers are in again. Hoorah and hurrah for big hair, again. And since, I’m again living in a big hair Western state, this trend is perfectly timed for me. Not just for me, but also Jennifer Lopez, Michelle Obama, and SZA (whoever she is).

And Speaking of Jennifer Lopez

ANYTHING Jennifer Lopez wears is in. So, before you go shopping, just check out what J.Lo was last photographed wearing, ignore whether it is age or climate-appropriate, and buy it.

Unfortunately, the last photo I saw of J.Lo had her sporting the teensiest weeniest of bikinis. Yet, true to my own advice, I must buy one, right? Fortunately, we don’t have a pool (or a beach). So, the world is safe. I’ll just wedge myself into the suit and wear it within the confines of my own home. No one EVER will have to see chubby-thighed me in it! And no selfie will I ever take and post! (So, I forget why am I buying it? Oh, yes, to be fashion-forward)

Dolphin Skin

This summer’s “hottest” derma trend is dolphin skin. The term was coined by makeup artist Mary Phillips, an ambassador for Iconic London, (whatever that is). She says gals want to look like they’ve just emerged from the pool or ocean all sun-kissed, slick, and shimmery.

Personally, I think this trend is all wet. I’m passing. I do not want to look like an aquatic mammal — even if the fins are optional. And I do not want to have to buy an array of new pricy skincare products to look “shimmery” and “slick.” I can acquire that look at no cost by simply getting on my hands and knees and scrubbing the kitchen floor!

Bushy Eyebrows

Now, as an almost-oldster, I haven’t mastered the intricacies of TikTok. In fact, I had to look up the correct spelling of Tik Tok (One word or two?). However, for those of us not in the know, thick eyebrows are now a thing. In fact, they are apparently now a full-fledged beauty trend (and social media sensation).

In fact, the hashtag #browlamination has been used in more than 1.4 million posts on Instagram and 365 million posts on TikTok.

I, a hairy person who has spent a lifetime struggling to “de-hair-ify” myself, find this extraordinary. Yet, despite my amazement and disbelief, thin eyebrows are out.

And to achieve the new, bushy brow look, women — especially young women — are paying for salon-style lamination which means getting their formerly plucked brows permed

Yes, where once women forked over cash to get their brows micro bladed or tattooed, now they’re going the permed route.

And the experts advise this definitely falls into the category of one of those “Do not do this at home!” activities.

The bushy-brow craze apparently started online with a trend known as “soap brows.” Using this “methodology, bar soap is applied with an eyebrow brush to sculpt and keep up brows in place. This seems much cleaner, safer, easier, and cheaper to me. But what do I know? I’m only an almost-oldster.

End of Summer. End of Fashion Rut

Well, after all this research, I’ve reached a few conclusions. 1. I don’t want a bikini. 2. I definitely don’t want dolphin skin. And 3. I decidedly don’t want permed eyebrows.

I may be in a fashion rut, but somehow, I’m feeling a whole lot better about myself. Maybe I’ll just follow my late mother’s advice and put on a little lipstick and a pair of earrings. Perhaps as a bonus, I switch things up a bit and get out of these sweatpants I’ve been wearing since the early days of sheltering-in-place kicked in. I bet Handsome Hubby would appreciate that!

Happy end of summer. Hope you all had a happy, healthy Labor Day holiday.