I procrastinate. You procrastinate. We all procrastinate. It’s universal. But did you know there’s a fun, new way to delay doing what you need to do? It’s called procrastibaking! It’s a procrastinator’s (and a pastry eater’s) dream come true.
And while I’ve only just learned about procrastibaking, apparently, it’s a widespread practice.
Students do it to avoid studying. Stay-at-home workers do it to avoid project deadlines. And I’m considering doing it right now to avoid writing this blog!
Imagine my joy when I discovered procrastibaking which marries the joy of baking, something somewhat productive, while simultaneously enabling you to avoid doing the task you really should be doing — i.e. WORKING or STUDYING.
Procrastibaking elevates the art of procrastinating to a caloric high. Instead of simply sitting around gazing at your navel (or somebody else’s navel), you bake something unnecessary and therefore seemingly engage in something useful. Thus, procrastibaking eases the guilt you feel for avoiding your real work. Magic!
Lightweight procrastibakers use baking as a time to get their creative juices flowing for work. They favor simple, one-step quickie recipes, like sugar cookies. Measure, mix, cook, and eat. Then, back to work.
Hard-core procrastibakers, however, prefer complicated multi-step, daylong recipes. They are serious about the business of avoiding the real business of work and study. Give them a Seven-Layer cake to prepare and they are down for the distraction.
Study or Sheet Cake?
Mid-terms and final exams are peak times for student procrastibakers. Tax season is prime time for at-home wanna-be H.R. Block-ers. And any-day-of-the-week is perfect for writers like me who sit and stare at the computer waiting desperately for inspiration to spring forth!
In college, a girlfriend of mine somehow convinced the school’s snooty administrative leaders to allow her a double major in Philosophy and Baking. I guess Admin — in a rare moment of practical thinking — figured she could contemplate the universe while the dough was rising and at least earn some bread from the bread she was making! No procrastibaking for this diligent intelligent Philo-Bake major.
Now I confess. As appealing as the idea of procrastibaking is, there’s a problem. I can’t bake. I’ve tried. My list of baking failures is long and well-documented in this blog.
Of course, now that I’m middle-aged, I admit even on a good day I move at a slower pace. This is different than procrastinating, but it does mark a major shift in how I operate. I still like to get things done in an efficient manner, but somehow the pace, the tempo, is a few beats slower.
That said, I am a human being, and so, like all human beings, I do procrastinate. But now that I’m older, I’ve become more forgiving about my procrastinating ways.
And as a writer, I am a certified expert at procrastinating. In fact, I could teach courses, Ph.D. level, in procrastination. Course offerings could include:
Procrastination for Plant Lovers: Avoid your desk the Green Way! Water house plants. Refresh the stale water in the vases of cut flowers throughout your house. Go outside and cut more fresh flowers from the garden.
Procrastination for Neatniks: Kill dust bunnies while ignoring that deadline that’s killing you! Compulsively wipe counters. Vacuum with a vengeance. Dust. Vacuum some more. Wash dishes. Make beds. Great for relieving stress and muscle tension.
Personal Hygiene Procrastination: Start at the top and work your way down! Dye your hair. Trim your eyebrows. Trim your nose hairs while you’re at it! Clean the lint out of your belly button. Paint your toenails. No limit to the hours you can spend on self-care.
And finally, for those of you too careworn to engage in such energetic avoidance endeavors and prefer to remain slumped at your computer, here’s an option that might appeal — “cyberloafing.”
Cyberloafing for Beginners
Much like its fellow New Age term “procrastibake,” cyberloafing also facilitates procrastination. Yet, unlike procrastibaking, no yeast is involved! Cyberloafing is simply the art of scrolling mindlessly through the Internet, reading random articles and watching videos of dubious intellectual value — all in the pursuit of mindless relaxation and avoidance of work and responsibility!
With these tried and true methods — and believe me, I’ve tried them all, you can blast through an entire day and not accomplish the one task you so desperately need to achieve.
Prepare that report your boss is expecting? Forget about it!
Get a story written for this week’s blog? It’s only Monday. The blog doesn’t go up until Wednesday. There’s plenty of time.
Grocery shop for tonight’s dinner? We can always order take-out … again!
Living the Procrastinator’s Dream
With all this advice and discussion about procrastinating, procrastibaking, and cyberloafing, I must close. I’m exhausted … and hungry. As I said, I don’t bake, but I do shop. I need to go to the bakery before I fall asleep. Maybe I should also pick up a pizza. No way I’m going to cook tonight. Oh, if only there was a way to order in a blog! Then life would be perfect for this muddled, middle-aged procrastinator!