Name Woes

Pity poor me! I suffer from a multitude of name woes. From a last name that’s unpronounceable to a first name that is widely mocked, I suffer from the slings and arrows of moniker misfortune!

The only name I ever felt sorrier for was Chuck at the height of the 1964 hit song, “The Name Game” song! Remember how that goes?

Chuck, Chuck, Bo, Buck, Banana, Fanana, Fo, F@#k…🎵
                                                    

Anyway …

The Name Woes Begin

People constantly mispronounce my last name. Eelectronic devices do too.

It’s been a struggle since my earliest school years. People always say Ga-LATS. No. No. No. A thousand times no!

For the record, the name is pronounced:

GAL (that’s easy) atz.

The trick is to emphasize the GAL and whisper softly the atz. If it helps say “its,” but don’t overdo it!

In school, I grew so accustomed to teachers mispronouncing the name that the one time — the one time — a new teacher said it correctly, I automatically corrected him the wrong way! I never lived it down with my friends and of course, the teacher once (mis)corrected, never said it the right way in attendance going forward.

Truth, Justice, and Whatever!

Most journalists began their careers to honor the Superman comics’ philosophy of “Truth, Justice, and the American Way.” Not me. I became a TV reporter hoping people would learn to say my last name correctly!

I also dreamed of marrying a man with a simple last name. Then, I met Handsome Hubby. I was thrilled — initially. He’s smart, cute, cuddly. Also, kind, sexy, accomplished. I could go on singing his praises. He is a peach.

Then, I realized he had a major flaw.

His last name. It has 11 letters! That’s excessive! I mean you can say it. You can spell it, but still …

Remember the days we routinely had to fill out forms with those tiny blocks? It was ridiculous imagining cramming all those letters in those little spaces. It was too much to contemplate.

I obviously married HH, but I also stuck with the unpronounceable Galatz. Better the devil you know.

Name Woe Number 2

My first name is mocked, widely mocked, as a meme of the privileged. I’ve written about it before, twice in fact. As a refresher, check out those stories here and here.

Name Woes Grammatical!

Grammar and punctuation add to my name pain. Figuring out how to make my last name plural or possessive with that rascally ‘z’ at the end of Galatz is a nightmare.

I mean, do you know how and when to add an apostrophe on a name that ends with a ‘z’ (or an ‘s’)?Why, even The New York Times felt the subject so complex it devoted an entire article to the topic during the presidential campaign! Pity the reporters who had to cover Vice President Harris or Governor Waltz in the campaign! They were up to their ears in z’s and s’s!

As for me, I’ve spent a lifetime sidestepping the problem:

Is it: Karen Galatz’ or Galatz’s book?

And what about when my family is involved?

Is it the Galatzes’ house or the Galatz’s house?

Seriously, what’s correct?

I’m 70 years old and speak three languages, but in my native tongue, I have no clue!

Clearly, I am grammatically doomed. There is only one solution. It is late in the marital game, but I guess I’ll have to change my last name after all!

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What about you, my dear middle-aged friends? Do you like your name? Did you ever dream of changing it? Do tell! Comment below.