This Week’s Quilt Club Meeting is Canceled

A Note of Explanation: The following Quilt Club Meeting is Canceled “notice” is fake. I was out with my girlfriend Rachelle, a glorious, accomplished quilter. She read an email and exclaimed, “Oh, dear. My quilt club meeting is canceled because so many of the ladies have injuries.”

Before she could say another word, I thought, “Quilting injuries? Huh? Needle stabs? Blood and gore?” My mind went wild with riotous images of older ladies dueling and doing bodily damage with guilting implements of destruction!

But no, Rachelle’s club companions were merely suffering from the usual assortment of old age woes … back aches, bunions, bursitis.

Still, I was too far down a silly, speculative quilting injury rabbit hole to let the idea go. 

This Week’s Quilt Club Meeting is Canceled

Dear Lady Quilters,

I regret to inform you that this week’s meeting is canceled due to circumstances quite beyond our control. The number of quilting-relating injuries has reached epic, epidemic proportions!

Dear Maudie has a bad case of the dreaded Quilter’s Elbow and can barely bend her arm!

Mabel, meanwhile, has contracted the equally awful Quilter’s malady, Clenched Left Hand Syndrome. The problem came on suddenly. Mabel was discovered, hand frozen stiff, after working three days straight, attempting valiantly to finish a charming pastel busy bee baby quilt. Why the haste? The mother’s due date (C-section, I’m told) had been moved up and Mabel was in a quilting frenzy to finish before the baby’s arrival.

Our best wishes to both Maudie and Mabel for speedy recoveries — and the arrival of a healthy new baby.

Continuing with our list of quilters down for the count …

Lovely Lilly’s feeling glum and bummed out with double carpel thumb woes from new thimbles which pinched and tweaked her delicate nerves.

Poor Polly’s back aches are back and to make matters worse, she’s got a nasty sciatic attack. Ouch!

Here’s a nasty one: Nellie sneezed while threading a needle and suffered a dreadful eye injury. Don’t even ask! On the bright side, she gamely cobbled together a charming quilted eye patch with her one good eye. The stitches are a bit uneven, but all things considered, I think she did a wonderful job.

And to think people consider quilting an activity for the old. You’ve got to be spry to cut, bast, bind, applique, and stitch. In any case, mend yourselves, ladies. We need to re-group and work on our big block quilt project ASAP! Here’s to resuming our regular “stitch and gab” schedule in two weeks.

’Til then, for Heaven’s sake, quilt responsibly!
Fondly, Your merry maker of the quilts and minutes,
You know who!

The quilts showcased here are designed and stitched by my friend Rachelle Owen.
She’s also a great cook and a skilled, dedicated Red Cross volunteer.