Handsome Hubby and I have been happily married for 36 years but since moving to Reno, Nevada, I’ve begun casting a wandering, lustful eye at my neighbors to the left and to the right. The reason? Size matters!
Year One here in the Biggest Little City in the World all was well. Now, however, I’ve grown restive. This second winter has been hard. Long and cold with record and repeated snowfall.
And it is because of this blasted snow that I’ve come to believe that size matters.
You see, I have lost count of how many times Handsome Hubby and I have been forced to shovel our driveway this winter. Some days we’ve had to do it multiple times a day to keep up with the inches and inches of snow that have fallen!
I’ve actually developed beefy biceps from all this bending and scooping. Popeye’s got nothing on me these days!
To get ahead of the constant downfall, HH finally broke down and bought a snowblower, but true to his energy-efficiency credo, he bought a diminutive environmentally friendly electric battery-operated one. Unfortunately, it is not up to the elements and doesn’t do a good job. It only removes the top layer of snow. So, we wind up having to shovel what it leaves behind.
There’s No Business Like Snow Business
That’s why I’m casting a yearning eye toward our neighbors to the right and left of our house. Those guys clear snow like nobody’s business! The neighbor to the right clears his driveway before anybody else gets up and man, oh, man, he does the job right. There is not one drop of snow or ice left. I don’t know how he gets it so clean. It’s mysterious. Alluring. Downright sexy.
And then, there’s our neighbor to the left. That guy has a big, BIG blower. I mean he and his manly machine get the job done right. They satisfy!
Just the other week, after what seemed like 12 inches of snow in 12 hours and two sessions of shoveling, I was stuck outside — alone — in the cold for another round of snow removal.
Where was HH? “Lucky” man was in the house on a daylong conference call. Never before had I envied somebody having a marathon Zoom meeting.
Anyway, there I was, all bundled up, looking like Nanook of the North, shoveling, shivering, and sniffling, when out strode neighbor Paul. Faster than you can say, “Yee-ha,” Paul was gliding his self-propelled, gas-powered gigantic snowblower. Off he went down the driveway, a stream of snow glistening and glowing in his wake. I was spellbound.
There is little more I can say.
Just this: I have begged HH to buy us a new, bigger, better snowblower, but he demurs, saying only he’s “researching it.” That’s code for “when Hell freezes over.” The energy-efficient, tree-hugging environmentalist in him will never commit to a gas-powered bad-boy all-powerful snowblower. So, the only energy that will be expended around here getting rid of snow will be that of us puny humans.
So, what’s a gal to do?
Maybe when the next snowstorm hits, HH will be out of town. Maybe then I can borrow my neighbor’s huge snowblower. Would that be a mark of infidelity? Or just a practical time-saving way to clear the driveway? I don’t know! It’s a middle-aged muddle! Perhaps to avoid such fraught middle-aged musings, I should instead pray to the weather Gods for an early Spring thaw and an end to snow!
🏔️ 🏔️ 🏔️
Photo Credit: The image is of Lake Tahoe. I copied it a few weeks back from Facebook but I cannot remember who shot it. Apologies for failing to credit the photographer and, of course, thank him/her for capturing such an astonishing image.
Hi, yikes I love that photo. I’d love to know where that is since I used to live in Incline. It’s a bit concerning where all that snow goes where it melts. I hope it doesn’t come all at once down my way in Sacramento.
I cannot remember any of the details of the photo – just somewhere Lake Tahoe-ish!
You’re funny! With my little column in the Porterville Recorder, I only manage to get hate mail.
Go out and buy your snow blower, better yet, enlisted your neighbors to do it for you. Failing your assertive training, Hire a service. We shoveled without a blower for a number of years in Omaha, then I worked fulltime and HH could not get out of driveway to go to work. OH DEAR. We hired a service and they were there early and plowed and we no longer suffered.
Go for it
Hiring a service sounds like a good plan!