Why Do Some Marriages Last? Why Do Some Fail?
A Query Sparked by 4th of July Fireworks
The Fourth of July is a sentimental favorite holiday for my family. My parents met on a blind date at Coney Island that evening. There were fireworks then and for five decades after! They were as different as day and night. As I think about them, I often wonder why do some marriages last and why others fail? She was elegant and refined, a Hungarian Princess as we called her. He was colorblind and indifferent to style and fashion.
She was fastidious and methodical. A planner. He moved like greased lightning. Spontaneous.
Why Do Some Marriages Last?
They fought like cats and dogs, but agreed on one fundamental principle: family especially children always came first. They adored music, books, theater, having a good time, and, when they weren’t fighting, each other. He wrote her poetry and bought wrist corsages and jewelry he could not afford.
He gambled and lost money, missing dinners while hypnotized by the lure of dice at the craps tables.
She worried about the money and how the bills would be paid. Still, she spent money freely, lavishly even when she didn’t have it.
They were married 54 years and when he died, his last words to her were “You’ve always been very kind to me” which given all the turbulence and the ups and downs, seemed the most romantic thing I had ever heard. The marriage — and the love — endured.
Why Do Some Marriages Fail?
In contrast, there’s the tabloid divorce of my basketball hero Steph Curry’s parents, Dell and Sonia Curry.
Dell, 57, and Sonya, 56, split after 33 years of marriage, after three kids, with each accusing the other of infidelity.
I don’t understand. They looked so happy, cheering on two superstar NBA sports sons, Steph and Seth. Both parents are beautiful, athletes themselves, healthy, and wealthy. What was missing?
Apparently, it wasn’t an idyllic marriage, as Sonia chronicled in her memoir Fierce Love. But still … Thirty-three years is a long time together.
Why you may wonder, do I care about the Curry family?
Well, Handsome Hubby and I are huge Golden State Warriors fans and in particular, big Steph Curry admirers. We’re not super sports fans in general, but there’s something special about the Warriors, a kind of joy. Yes, they’re competitive athletes, but they also radiate joy and that joy is what hooked Handsome Hubby and me to become such boosters of the team and particularly Steph Curry.
And I have to say watching his parents sitting side by side, beaming at each of his breathtaking three-shot plays was an added delight.
The only seeming challenge to family unity occurred when son Seth’s rival NBA team played opposite the Warriors. When that happened, the seemingly devoted parents — we were told — flipped a coin and one parent cheered for one son’s team and the other parent cheered for the other son’s team.
The Fireworks Fizzled
Now, since the parental split, the parents sit apart. When Steph does something wonderful, like win the NBA Finals championship and secure the NBA’s Most Valuable Player Award, he gets separate hugs from his parents. No group hug. No family photograph. Not even a fake group smiles for the cameras. It’s a sad sight even amid the joy of championship basketball.
And it makes me wonder why some marriages endure and why others don’t. The Curry parents seemingly had it all.
My parents had constant money woes. Terrible health problems. Yet, love and marriage prevailed.
We’ve Got Fireworks … of the Good Kind
As for Handsome Hubby and me, we, like my parents are wildly dissimilar too. I’ve written and made fun of our different backgrounds before. I’m a Big City girl, love Broadway shows, museums, and pastrami. He’s big on cowboy boots, tumbleweed, skiing, and bacon. Still, we’re going strong after 35 years even though home delivery of The New York Times is ridiculous sporadic in “The Biggest Little City in the World” — something I hold HH personally accountable for!
So, while I don’t have an answer to the question of why some marriages endure, I’m just grateful that in my case I’ve got good marital longevity genes! Now, if only I could find some first-rate pastrami and a good knish in Reno … Well, then, there would be true wedded bliss!
🎆 🎆 🎆
And speaking of the Fourth of July and long-lasting marriages, meet Ann and Chris Potts. I met them at a local diner this past weekend. Ann was all decked out in her Independence Day finery from her hat to her red, white, and blue flag manicured nails. She and Chris have been married 57 years!
I’ve been married to my HH for 56 years and there are still fireworks.
As for pastrami- look for kosher pastrami at Costco. Ask them to get it.
Otherwise fly in from Zabars 😃
Your same name friend reader
Thank you for the suggestion and mazel tov on 56 years! How wonderful!
Yet another gem added in the books, Karen! Loved this article!
You are so kind!