2024 Don’t Want Holiday Gift List

In an act of selfless devotion to family and friends, I’ve just completed my 2024 “Don’t Want Holiday Gift” list. I know. I know. I’m thoughtful that way, doing all I can to ease the burden of shopping for my loved ones. What can I say? I am just “that” kind of person!

So, here goes …

2024 Holiday Don’t Want List: Numero Uno

Do not surprise — or torment — me with Uncommon Goods’ Word Wheel Puzzle.

The pithy description claims it’s a game with more than 450,000 solutions. I declare it’s a torture device, one that needs to be outlawed by the Geneva Convention as a gross violation of human rights, holiday merriment, and relaxation. Honestly, I lack the patience and the skill to complete The New York Times  Spelling Bee which merely asks how many words you can make with seven letters!

Gift me this elaborate and evil half-million solutions Word Wheel Puzzle and I’ll wind up going bonkers, drooling, and crying! Is that what you want?

Holiday Don’t Want List: Items 2, 3 AND 4

Items 2-4 on the No Way, Jose list are a trio of OMGs! They are collectively memorial-themed gifts, so forgive me if they strike a sentimental chord with you. They decidedly do not with me. All contain some ashes of a “late” loved one. One is even pocket-sized (!) and can be carried around. “Soothing to hold,” so the description reads.

The first is a “memorial cardinal sculpture” with a lighted base. It retails for $250. I didn’t read the details, so I cannot tell how much of your “late” loved one’s ashes goes into the piece. You’re on your own to find out the gruesome artistic details.

The pocket-sized memorial stones come in a set of five. So, that could be a unique stocking stuffer for the kids. “Oh, here’s Granny. Enjoy!” Price: $179.

The final of this jolly troika from the ashes-to-orb holiday offerings is a “Cremation Memorial Orb Sculpture” described as a “sphere of shimmering glass.” Again, it comes with a lighted base and sells for $250.

Questions

I have many questions. Law enforcement may as well.

1. Who randomly has deceased relatives’ ashes lying around the house for art projects?
2. If so, why? Do the authorities — police and sanitation — need to be alerted?
3. What gal or ghoul wants to display or carry family ashes around in their pockets or pocketbooks?
4. Why does the advertising literature refer to the deceased as “late” loved ones? Were they perennially late for dinner? Did such constant tardiness result in homicide? Now, that is a dark turn!

That’s more than I care to ponder. Yet, to take this crystal clear: I don’t want these ashy gifts NOR, for future reference, Handsome Hubby and dear children, do I wish to be encased in said “art.”

A New Gift Category

For something new this year, I’m adding a gifting category — “Things I Shouldn’t Want, But Kinda Do!” This list is small and no, Handsome Hubby, I am not seriously hinting.

The first item is glowing light-up bath cubes! Yes, it is a gift for children, small children at that, but I’m a bath-a-holic. I’m already up to my chin in lovely bath bubbles, salts, and oils. I don’t need more. Yet, these silly smiling squares that light when wet just tickle my heart.

They’re not expensive. Come in sets of eight. Two colors per set. They’re too cute for words. Oh, to be two years old again!

The second item is a giant inflatable outdoor movie screen, fun for all ages. I don’t truly want to watch movies from my backyard. Still, it’s a fun idea, making the best possible use of the outside – no hiking or sweating involved. Just sitting around, eating popcorn, and watching a movie.

🎁 🎁 🎁

That’s it. My official 2024 Don’t Want Holiday List.

Anything you’d like to lobby against getting? Slippers? A bathrobe? Do tell!
I promise to spread the word accordingly to your loved ones, living, not late!