The Subject is Handbags
Size ... and Bags ... Matter
It started with an email and two simple questions. I thought I’d get a few short replies. Instead, all week long, my inbox was flooded with replies. Clearly, I had touched a nerve. Read more
Stories About Still a Looker
Butt Cheeks and Botox
Is Twerkers' Compensation Far Behind?
No ifs, ands or butt cheeks about it. Ladies, we have a new beauty regime to get on top of. Well, technically speaking, one we’ve got to get to the bottom of. Yes, gal pals, our rear ends are the latest beauty frontier!
What’s good for the face – cleansers, toners, serums, oils, exfoliating scrubs, creams, and masks – is now being specially tailored and marketed for the derriere.
Don’t believe me? Well, no less an authority than the august New York Times has proclaimed, “Butt skincare is definitely a thing now.”
“But what kind of a “thing?” you well might ask. “And why?” Read more
Sartorial Sins of the Flesh
Leggings, Yoga Pants, and Holey Jeans
I may sound old-fashioned, but I think some of today’s lapses in sartorial style are downright sins. The way we dress and adorn ourselves would surely make my mother and grandmother shudder and shriek!
In Grandma’s day, Read more
A New Wrinkle in Time
Chest Wrinkles. Who Knew?
Sometimes I worry I will run out of things to write about. Then I discover articles like “Cleavage Reboot: How to Smooth Out Chest Wrinkles,” and I realize I will never run out of “dire” aging maladies to worry – and write – about!
Yes, chest wrinkles, a problem right up there with global warming, the plight of the homeless, and discrimination.
It only took God 99 words (at least in one version I looked at) to write The Ten Commandments, the foundation of faith and civility for millions around the world. But chest wrinkles? Read more
The Worst Part of Growing Old? Reading Glasses
Oh, My Aching Middle-Aged Eyes
Some people cannot find their phone. Others their keys. Me? It’s my reading glasses. I misplace them constantly and need them for everything. Oh, my middle-aged eyes. It’s just not fair. Yes, the worst part of growing old is reading glasses.
By the age of 12, I was blind as a bat. Then I got Lasik surgery and had perfect vision … for a time. Now, once again, I’m eye glass-dependent. I go nowhere without clutching my readers as tightly as those needing a cane to get by. Read more
Marie Kondo Sparks No Joy in Me
Decluttering is Easy. Shopping is Hard.
Everybody is obsessed with Marie Kondo and downsizing their possessions, especially clothes. Not me. I want more clothes, not less. Sweaters. Blouses. Dresses. Cute shoes. But there’s a problem – I’m shopping adverse. I hate going to a Mall and I’m not finding much success shopping online.
I never liked shopping. Blame it on my mother. Of course. Read more
Resolve to be Irresolute!
Avoid New Year's Guilt
Just one week into the New Year and I was already backsliding into bad habits faster than a first-time skier hitting the slopes.
Start that diet? Hard to do with all the holiday candy still casting its chocolaty come-hither glance at me.
Exercise? How, when I could hardly move from all that candy-gorging I’m doing 24/7?
Be a better person? Who was I kidding? That was never going to happen, sugar-rush or no sugar-rush.
So, just days into the New Year, I decided to drop the pretense. Skip the guilt. Avoid making – and breaking – those resolutions of yesteryears to eat less, exercise more, and be a better person. I decided to just hunker down and continue living in my usual slovenly, unhealthy, impatient way.
But then, I had an idea. Read more
I’ve Been Naughty. Now I’m Getting Spanx-ed
Calories, then Compression and Depression
‘Tis the season to over-indulge, true. But, alas, ’tis also the season to sequin, shimmy, and shake – all of which challenge chubby, out-of-shape, middle-aged me.
And while I can still wedge myself into my cute holiday clothes, do I look cute? Hardly. I more resemble that lump of coal Santa leaves children who have been naughty, not nice, than I do some hot party babe.
So, sadly I’m giving myself a Spanx-ing. Read more
When in Doubt, Blame Science
The Latest Addition to the Pantheon of Excuses
Life is hard. When we do something wrong, we all fall back on excuses and blame others.
“The dog ate my homework.”
“My mother won’t let me go to the party.”
“The Devil made me do it!”
But now, move over dog, Mom, and Devil. We have a new scapegoat to blame and shame, and it goes by the name of Science. Read more
Nixon and Me: United in Jowls
There's a Surgery for That!
Richard Nixon and I sadly have something in common. Jowls. I’ve tried to ignore the problem, but jowls and jawlines are in the news. So, what can I do?
Yes, regrettably, I – the anti-plastic surgery woman – am once again day-dreaming about plastic surgery. Read more