You Don’t Look Your Age

People often say I don’t look my age. They mean it as a compliment, and I take it as such, but lately I’ve been wondering. Is it really a compliment, and why does hearing it make me so happy? Actually, I know the reason. Vain me takes it to mean I look young, well, younger than my actual age, and “young” is a universal good, right? A goal we are supposed to aspire to, and advertisers cater to.

But instead, I’m wondering if it would be a better, more sincere, and also more accurate compliment if well-meaning people said something like, “You look well today,” or “I like that sweater you’re wearing.”

Best of all, wouldn’t it be nice if someone complimented me (or any of us) by noticing some good deed I had done, however small?

In the Bible, there’s a famous passage:

“A woman of valor, who can find? Her worth is far beyond that of rubies.”

That’s what religion teaches us, but from childhood on, we learn a different lesson:

“Magic mirror, on the wall. Who’s the fairest in the land?”
Evil Queen, Snow White

From a very early age, I have very clear memories of uncles and aunts showering me with compliments about my looks — “Oh, what a pretty little girl.”

I also remember overhearing my mother having a heated fight with an uncle who refused to send his three daughters to college. He said it wasn’t necessary because all they needed was to be attractive, not educated.

Lucky for me, my parents valued women’s education and careers. From the start, I was given books with my dolls and told to get good grades.

Still, ironically, I chose a profession that placed a premium on a woman’s appearance — TV news. Also, let’s face it (no pun intended), society favors pretty girls. So, I had “pretty girl” pressure plus grade and career pressures combined!

But today, as I said, I’m pausing and wondering. Won’t it be nice if we lived in a society where people focused more on goodness and less on appearance, especially women’s appearances?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not ready to abandon my mascara, lipstick, vanity table, and vanity. But still, I think it would be a big improvement if, after seven decades, I turn down the level — even a notch or two — on my need for compliments and simultaneously step up my efforts on the good deeds front. Not too late into the New Year for resolutions, is it?