Left to My Own Devices, I Found a Device

Handsome Hubby was off traveling, and I was lonely for my man. What’s a girl to do? Well, left to my own devices, resourceful me found a device! And an app, too!

It all began when Handsome Hubby set off to Peru and Machu Picchu for a well-deserved adventure vacation. He’s traveling with his former roommate and best buddy, Billy A. Both guys are super-fit hikers who can handle high altitudes with an easy attitude. They also like beer, and I suspect the trip will involve a fair amount of belching, farting, and butt scratching — you know, guy stuff. It will also involve one of my least favorite four-letter words, t-e-n-t.

So, I gave HH a big kiss off and settled down for 12 glorious days of peace and quiet. I looked forward to hours of uninterrupted reading, bonding with the DoorDash delivery people, and sleeping without the sound of snoring.

But then …

I got lonely. I longed for HH’s sweet kisses and gentle back rubs.

Happily, I had found a solution … a handy-dandy device and app to satisfy my needs.

Ah, sweet technological salvation!

A Device for our Weird Times

“Go on,” you say.

The device, which is attached to a mobile phone, has warm, moving silicon “lips.” It’s equipped with pressure sensors and reportedly mimics a real kiss by replicating the pressure, movement, and temperature of a user’s lips. The device doesn’t just mimic the motion of a kiss but also the sound.

Mwah!

The admittedly creepy kisser was invented by a lonely university fellow in China, pining for his faraway girlfriend.

To send smooches, users must download a mobile phone app and plug the device into their phone’s charging port. After pairing with their partner in the app, couples start a video call and transmit their electronic kisses.

Sending Kisses to Your Favorite Kisser and …

Strangers can also connect to the device, but let’s not go there, shall we?

According to China’s state-run Global Times, the invention has been patented by the Changzhou Vocational Institute of Mechatronic Technology.

Back in 2016, a similar invention, the “Kissinger” (presumably no relation to the late Secretary of State Henry Kissinger), was built by a group in Malaysia, but that e-kisser came with a touch-sensitive silicon pad instead of realistic-looking lips.

Counting the Days

Meanwhile, despite my best efforts, I could not find the website to purchase the phone kisser. Oh, well. It’s probably just as well.

First of all, with tariffs being what they are these days, it probably would have cost a fortune to ship. Second, HH already left for the trip, and besides, can you imagine the look on his face if/when I suggested we attach the pink silicon lips to our phones? And then,  can you imagine him going through a TSA line with a lippy phone?

I guess I’d best go back to counting the days until my honey returns, so I can kiss him in person … that is, after he shaves and showers all that tent-y dirt off.