I Found My Tribe

While most eyes were focused on the Met Gala this week, I just couldn’t relate. Instead, I found my people, my tribe if you will, further afield in a remote corner of Ethiopia. There I found a people who “get me.” The tribe is the Bodi, and each year, they host an elaborate ritual celebrating the fattest in their village.

The ritual involves a rigorous six-month “diet,” and only the young men compete to be honored as the fattest in the land. The winner is considered a hero for life and is also hailed as a hottie among the women.

My Tribe To Be

Now, this is, of course, sexist. The contest needs to be updated. There needs to be similar competition for us rotund babes. And, honestly, the plumping up “diet” also needs to be amended to get me fully on board with the Bodi “big is beautiful” approach to fame and glory.

“What is the plumping up diet?” you rightly query. Well, it is a decidedly acquired taste —cow’s blood and milk. Clearly, the Bodi have not heard of Bosco or Ovaltine!

While it sounds gross to our “refined” Western sensibilities, let’s be honest. Is it any more barbaric than jamming needles of Ozempic in our arms or bulging bellies in the name of svelte glory? Is it any more bizarre than pumping Botox, a toxin, into our lips to make them more appealing?

Over the course of the Bodi fattening-up process, some men reportedly double their body weight. To this, I say, oh, bliss! Six months of nothing but sitting around being served food. No work. No chores. And no exercise. What could be better?

More about the Bodi

The Bodi are a pastoral tribe, living off of agriculture and livestock. Owning cattle is a sign of wealth. The tribe numbers about 40,000-50,000. Life is hard, and the average lifespan is short. Still, the tribe has resisted all offers to modernize.

For six months, leading up to the tribe’s New Year or Ka’el ceremony, the young men take a vow of sexual abstinence (Yes, there’s always a downside) and begin the fattening-up process.

On the day of the ceremony in June, the men cover their bodies with clay and ashes before emerging from their huts for the walk to the spot where the judging takes place. They must walk for hours around a sacred tree, which is difficult given the weight they have put on, the heat, and the fact that they have been sedentary for half a year. Believe me, I sympathize. I struggle if I miss just a week of Pilates!

The Way of the Bodi

Once the fattest man has been chosen, the ceremony ends with the slaughter of a cow using a huge sacred stone. Village elders then inspect the stomach (of the cow) and the blood (again, of the cow) to see whether the future will be a bright one or not.

You can see pictures of the men here and read more about the Bodi here.

As for me, while I respect the Bodi decision not to modernize, I urge tribal elders to open the competition to women (and, of course, to revise that troublesome cow’s blood menu). I truly yearn for time sitting around doing nothing (but reading) and eating non-stop. In fact, it’s a lifetime goal!

History Loves Fat Gals Too!

And while I understand the Bodi may worry this is a dangerous first step toward modernization, I can point to a historic precedent supporting the important role of porcine ladies, one dating to the 17th Century.

Sultan Ibrahim I (reign 1640–1648), known as “Ibrahim the Mad” of the Ottoman Empire, was noted for his predilection for big, make that really, REALLY big women. In fact, the sultan was often “gifted” women for his harem (the gift that keeps giving?).

The Sultan developed a particular infatuation with an Armenian woman whom he named Şivekar, which means flirty. She reportedly weighed in at an impressive 330 pounds. Well, Şivekar became quite a political power in the sultan’s harem. So, think about that, Bodi elders.  Big women can be heroes too!

And So …

I read about Sultan Ibrahim decades ago in a 909-page biography of Peter the Great and still remember that random fact! That’s how much of an impression it made on me. Yes, I, a serious student of Russian Studies, read a massive bio of one of the great tsars of Russia, and what do I remember? A silly tidbit about a pasha with a kink for fat women! Sad, huh?

Anyway, this weighty subject of tribes and Turks came to mind amid this year’s Met Gala hubbub and the focus on Lauren Bezos, whose nonstop flaunting of wealth and exaggerated plastic surgery I find deeply disturbing.

Certainly, our cultural fixations and “beauty” dictates are no better than those of other countries and other times. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder.